Signs

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Let’s see, signs. I have all these thoughts mumbling around in my head as to signs…It seems they just keep getting thrown at me lately…as if I haven’t been taking them to heart…pretty sure that is why I ended up in the lake yesterday.

My good friend held her book release on Friday for her book….The Clairvoyant Path. It was a great event and very well attended. It was held at the Fire House Book Store in old town Fort Collin, CO. The evening consisted of her talking on how and why she came to write the book, and a couple friends of hers doing some lectures on the different types of healings, and a group of us who attend her class on Thursday nights leading a guided meditation/grounding circle.

It was a very inspirational evening for me. Seeing such a diverse group of people gathered made me realize that this is just the beginning. An opening to a much bigger state of community we are all approaching. I know this fits here…because for me…it’s another signs…one on belonging to something so much bigger.

My thoughts can’t help but keep drifting back to my events yesterday…the more I thought /reflected on my abrupt plunge in the lake, the more I realized the event was something more than me falling off the dock…it was a nudge from spirit looking to actually wake me up, since I seem to listen but hear the message for everyone else but me.

All yesterday I had such a uneasy feeling, a sense of anxiety. Not full on anxiety…but the edge of it. We took a lovely motorcycle ride…actually a quite chilly ride, the foothills were a lot chillier than we had expected (48 brrrrr) and even there where I am usually the most relaxed I couldn’t shake it. I even had a vision just interrupt my zen of my daughter crying… As a parent I felt a sense of panic…like, some thing is wrong… We got home and all was well. Hmm…all I could think was what am I not seeing…this is some kind of sign…

Some of the crazy “signs” i have been experiencing the last few days leading up to the dip in the lake…
My work phone… being too connected to work…
The sign that more and more people are asking me for readings…seemingly out of the blue…
The random ringing in my ear lately…my left ear mind you (the same side Mother Mary has been seen with me) Mother Mary herself represents teaching, and protecting children…
And finally the horse and goat that live jtogether just outside of the subdivision I live in.

So, what does it all mean?

For me I realized that my fall into the lake involved all the above.
I need to learn balance balance between home and work…this was an easy message with my phone falling in with me and not working….got the message, ok…i at least see the message for what it is. Next…I need not be afraid to take the plunge with my reading page, and realize it is okay to charge a fee for what I do…what I have been blessed to be gifted with. I also need to realize that life is scary at times and that there isn’t much we can do about it, but go with the flow, and trust. As for the part about my daughter…and what I was seeing…well I told her about the vision today and how I felt that I was taking something for her with my fall…she said she felt that same thing yesterday. She said as worried as she was (on whether I was ok or not) she also grateful…she felt as though I took something for her…it’s hard to explain. Even between the two of us, we just both new what we re saying….oh yes…
My reference to the horse and goat…I did not really explain that sign did I now… Ha! Its funny…my daughter and I joke about them…the two unlikely friends. To me..they represent that Maybe from the person driving things don’t always appear to be the perfect match…but it’s not what is on the outside that matters…what matters is how well you connect with someone, regardless of the circumstances. basically accepting that it is ok to be different if being different means being you. We don’t need to fit a mold, and I need to be who I am not be afraid of what it looks like to others. I need to embrace my horse and goat.

My goal for you as well as myself… is to have a good week…stay strong, stay true..be who you were born to be. As the magic eight ball once said…All signs point to “it is undecidedly so”

Namaste~

A date with the lake…

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Something is telling me not to post this evening… Every time I finish something I lose it…but I I am persistent.
Basically I wanted to share with you all that I fell in a lake taking prom pictures tonight. After I reminded my daughter to be careful because of how clumsy she is…. And then…bam. Into the water I went…phone and all. So…cowboy boots, phone, and all…I went in…

Big message from spirit about disconnecting from my phone, for sure… The rest I am going to have to sleep on. It was hilarious… It was a slow motion fall.

And to think today I thought my next post needed to be on signs… Lol!!!!

This was a sign! More tomorrow….

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Connections

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Crazy weekend…
Spent a lot of time on the motorcycle.

On our rides this weekend I was once again reminded of my connection to the earth. I love the trees…and all the vegetation, however for me the deepest connection is to the water and the rock…not just crystals…but…all rocks…boulders, sandstone, slate, flagstone.
It calls to me. I see faces in the stone…my heart fills with love and joy. A connection is established. I don’t know why I am surprised by this…but I am…every time I realize it. Now don’t get me wrong, I have a connection with the trees as well. This connection with the trees however was much stronger when I was young. They were my friends. My aspens in my yard today have eyes that can see…that keep me connected.

My goal this year is to unlock the connection with minerals/stone. I seem to have resisted it in the past and am being reminded of our connection.

Crazy how many times that word keeps flowing out of me right now… Connection…connection… We are all connected.. I just never considers rock…living, and felt that I…guess I thought I could not have a connection with it. But the fact is it is living… And I can feel that.

When I think of this…relationship I think of a guide I have… He is a shaman…and every time I have met with him it has been in a field of grass on a big boulder…a rock. This is where we look at each other… Where he looks at me and smirks as he shakes his head at me. As if he is just patiently waiting for it all to click. I ask his name and he just shakes his head no…as if to tell me that I must first remember…that was the deal. No jumping ahead.

Why I decided to make this so difficult for myself I do not know… But I am patient. Part of me remembers him…I know he was my friend, someone I truly trusted. I know he will not break our pact. It is my job to remember…whether I do in this lifetime or not….is another story. There are no guarantees. But…as I see his smirk, his smile…I know that it is just a matter of time.

Some how…I know that my discovery of the connection I have with the rocks…will unveil more to me then I can even comprehend at this time.

Basically we all have parts of our life paths that are yet to be discovered…many of us have no idea what those connection are until we have uncover them…it’s in those ah…ha moments when we peel away the material, earthly Layers of our physical self to expose more of our true spiritual self that we truly begin to shine.
We all just need to remember to be open…open to new ideas and new directions in which to live our lives. Be open to new experiences and ideas…new thoughts and beliefs, this will allow us to remain on the shorter path to enlightenment. No Matt what path you take…or what connections you make or allow in your life…just know it’s the right path for you. For you at that time in your life. Some roads are just more….challenging than others.

Love, light and peace…

Namaste~

Remember to look inside

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I have not had time this week to really dedicate myself to my blog…however, I do feel that the internal review I have mentioned in previous blogs has been going full force…the divine has not waited around for me to “make” time. I did want to quickly acknowledge that for me the internal review has been helping. I have found that setting out to think…review things internally has benefited me with external changes. Changes that I did not set out to make. Intentions that I may have set, yes…but not necessarily changes. What do I mean? Well in my attempt to be more aware…patient…I have found my week much more serene…and organized. For all practical purposes this week has been assumed and labeled the week from hell months ago. A big event at work is taking place and we all new it was going to be stressful and difficult with long hours…these things are true…and they are happening…but…my reaction has become much more calm. Calmer than it was just days ago. What I mean is this… No matter what events we have in our lives, we ultimately have control over one thing… Ourselves, and how we let these events that inevitably pop up in our lives effect us. This has never really made sense or been all that affective for me in the past…so I understand if your reading this and think…yea…yea…yea…that sounds all fine and good…but…
Well…no buts, it has taken me a long time and it has not been easy, even this time Round I got caught up in the drama of things and was miserable until, I just stopped and started thinking about the situation…within. Placing myself outside of the situation, looking at it as a stranger, trying to describe the event/s to myself as if I was so veery far removed from the situation. Once I was able to do this…I did nothing, I moved on about my days…and continued to some extent the drama…until one day it just didn’t make sense anymore…I acknowledged that I was doing all that I could…100% and then some actually…so my worries were not founded on guilt… And realized that what will work will work, what doesn’t, won’t… No one is coming to take my birthday away… The calm I got on the inside about the situation the calmer I became on the outside.

I know I have just rambled…and there’d are many different situations out there for all of us, this is just what I experienced recently and felt the need to share it. Basically I am my own worst enemy.. I am highly judgmental of my self and highly critical. These are things I have been told by others for as long as I can remember. I set my personal standards higher than any I would even begin to oppose upon others… why? Do I think I am better then others? You would think so based on my standards I set for myself…but it’s not how I feel….actually it seems more times than not it is the opposite… I just know how hard I work…and if I could have worked harder, or done more…the funny thing is…with this frame of mind we ultimately forget to take the time to give to ourselves…
So…before I go to work… Please remember we are in control of our world…internally which then manifests itself externally. And please don’t be so hard on yourselves…

Love and light
Namaste~

Goddess card reading

I sat with my goddess cards tonight and decided to pull some cards for this next week.
My question was what goddesses will best serve me this next week.
Here is what I received.

The first card I pulled was ~ Kali
Representing Endings and Beginnings-the old must be released so that the new can enter.

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The next goddess that was presented to me was ~ Butterfly Maiden
Representing Transformation- you are experiencing enormous change right now, which brings great blessings.

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The third goddess was ~ Kuan Yin
Representing Compassion – Release judgments about yourself and others, and focus on the love and light that is within everyone.

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And the card that jumped out at first was ~ Isolt
Representing Undying Love – The love you have shared is eternal, regardless of the situation.

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The messages these goddesses bring to me are deeply appreciated, as well as spot on in what is going on in my life right now. As often as I ask for guidance and support from above, I am still amazed every time….when the message is so clear, as well as full of love.
We need to remember to “ask” for assistance…help…surrender our stress, anxiety, and problems to our guides, angels, god…a higher power. For they love to assist us whenever they can and we allow them.

Thank you goddesses.

Nameste~

Journey

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In the journey of self improvement and awareness…one of the hardest things we can do is really take a look at what we do.
Lately I have been evaluating my purpose…my life path. Why I am who I am, why I do the things I do…
It’s somewhat easy to cast blame onto those that come into our life and make us uncomfortable…but the really mission is finding out why they make us uncomfortable. Why do we allow it and sometimes encourage it. I have been finding this lesson both interesting and extremely challenging. Interesting because of my ability to detach myself at times and watch the situation I am in or other situations around me. The trick is reminding myself to reattach, that is another post….

Challenging, because just when I think I have something figured out I am challenged with the awareness of my contribution to the issues. I have become more aware that I give myself to situations that I shouldn’t. I become emotionally involved with that, that I shouldn’t… The list goes on. But the question in regards to that list…is why do we do that.

One of my fellow bloggers just wrote a post titled “sorry this makes you uncomfortable” check it out. intuitive one
I think that it fits here…when we don’t live “our” personal truth…we end up causing struggles and roadblocks ultimately for ourselves…which can cause friction…and discord amongst those around you.

My goal right now for the next week…is to practice looking within. For me I am going to refocus. I am going to take a look at the list of things I have personally come up with (for my own contributions to my stress) and start to “refocus” on what and why it is what it is. I am going to think before I react..LOL!!! or should I say I promise to try very hard to Think before I React. I am also going to think about what and why I may feel the way I feel….is it valid? Or is it programming from another lifetime? Am I reacting to something based on another experience or reality..

This introspection will help me clear past chords…or karma…and past life programing that does not serve me any longer. Just by becoming aware of why we do what we do ….or react the way we react…with out doing anything outwardly…will make an enormous difference in our lives.. This is a message I keep getting. Go within to make the outward change.
Think about those summits we have not conquered…was if failure as we first may have perceived it…or could it be they went for us, they didn’t serve us and we switched courses.

Going within can be tough…sometimes once we reveal our true self we are not always happy at what we see… Meaning….many of us layer ourselves with layers and layers of other people’s truths that our own seem so small…so frail. Remember to ground yourself…pull in spirit energy to help guide…remind you of your own truth. Ask for strength to help live your truth. Living your truth can be something as big as your sexuality, your religious beliefs, or as small as not liking certain music, movies, or a specific food. The point is to live honestly and respectfully of yourself and others. Our individual difference is what makes us all so unique and amazing.

That is enough for now… I hope to write more this weekend.

Namaste~

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Have you ever found yourself near summit of your climb…your goal…only to feel everything fall apart. You can point fingers and divvy out the blame but…in reality… It’s all you.

If you don’t make the summit…attain the goal, it’s you that did not make it. Not the guy next to you. Not the person that threw out the road block…it’s you. The question is….why? Why did you not continue? Why did you stumble and turn the other way?

You can start to list the thousands of reasons why…each one a concrete excuse…but that’s all they are, excuses. Sounds harsh….because it is. It is a harsh reality when you stop and look at why and you find yourself staring back at you.

We control our lives, our direction…no matter what gets thrown in front of us. It goes back to choices to some extent. We have them….we make them….we don’t always think about them.

But past the choices…or should I say before the choices…comes us…our inner workings and what makes us tick…or choose the way we do. We are each wired differently in that aspect. We each have different peramiters that we measure our life’s decisions against. The funny thing is…many of our Decisions get made at a somewhat unconscious level. Our past programming and lessons or mistakes effect our decisions. If you have areas in your life that you feel you are always making the wrong decision or…areas where you just stop growing…like that summit I was talking about…do you have a history of getting close to attaining a goal…only to stop…stop perusing it? Walk away and start another path? Do you have many reasons and possible frustrations for doing so? Maybe we need to look closer and see if it is self sabotage. What programming do you have that stops you from attaining?

Could it possibly be a past life issue? Or a programming of sorts…and your shuck in a loop?
The best thing to do is…take a look deep inside. Be honest….with yourself and what you see. Let go of what does no longer serve you. erase those contract that hold you down or back and no longer serve you.

These are thing s I will practice as well…
Peace relax and look forward…

Namaste.

Choices…

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Today I am thinking of blessings.
Today…I feel inspired to remind myself and anyone else who needs reminding, that we all have blessings. It is our job to find them and acknowledge them. To do this is to appreciate them…and understand them.

I have spent a lot of time it seems frustrated and caught up in things that should not matter. I have given myself away in ways that no one but myself are to blame. We can point fingers and frustration at others but really…we have ultimate control of our feelings. the key is remembering what is respecting ourselves and others…and remembering what is important.

I have gotten some really good advice lately…about holding my boundaries…believing in myself and giving myself my space, the right to claim that space.

For a long time now I have felt a strong connection with Mary Magdalin. She is always there as a constant support and guide through many of my lives tribulations. I feel her standing with me…telling me that what others believe or think they believe do not affect us…we affect us, what you believe of your self is what matters. Others will see you for what they want to see you as. For what they need to see you as, so as they can look upon themselves and feel superior. I know my time with her is not yet done…as I am still learning to find myself and be who I am to be.

I was reminded today of a particular story from the bible I remember…where the two Mary’s were visited by Jesus…one Mary cooked and cleaned washed his feet and served Jesus while he spoke to them…while the other sat with Jesus and listened to his stories and talked with him. The other was clearly unhappy about it… Jesus asked why she was so unhappy. She told him how she was disappointed that she did not have more time to talk with him…like the other Mary did. And he asked why she did not spend more time with him…she told him about the cooking, and the cleaning, and how it all needed to be done… He told her that it was her choice. That she could not be jealous of the other Mary…for it was her choice to spend her time the way she did. Ultimately it is our choice what we do…how we do it.

Basically I am sure I have completely messed up the whole message and how it was really represented in the Bible… That is not the point. Sure I could have looked up the passage and quoted it…word for word…but…for me it isn’t the word for word…it’s the translation to my heart that matters. I find that the one thing I need to remind myself over and over is this…it’s that to get angry at others for laughing…relaxing…when I am feeling overwhelmed and working really hard, is not fair. Not fair to the other people….it is my choice. My choice to be focused… In those moments what I need to do is stop. Stop and ask myself…why am I angry? Is it really anger or is it jealousy?

Did I somehow forget that I make my choices? That like the story in the bible…it was my choice to do what I was doing…my choice. We all make choices, everyday…millions of choices. With all the choices we make everyday, it is a really important reminder to make sure we know what we want…what is important to us… Know our priorities…what matters to you…not what is supposed to matter, or what matters to others…or what your paid to matter about. In the end, your (my) frustration could be avoided if I kept my best forward, and balanced in my life. When we don’t… Frustration, anger and jealously will inevitably set in.

Now is the time to manifest our dreams… Imagine it..feel it…live it…manifest it.
Every day every mood every thought we make takes us closer to where we are going.

When we are overwhelmed…we need to remember to stop…silence our mind of all the clutter. Forget our deadlines and external demands…go within and ask ourselves…what is it that we want.

Blessings, I have many blessings in my life. The encouragement I receive from the many loved ones I have that surround and support me in my life are too many to list….and for this I am truly blessed. I have a family that I could not imagine a life with out…. Besides the fact that I have a roof above my head and a steady paycheck…I am thankful for spirit…for the lives I have lived, the experiences that have shaped my life from this life and all others. So many blessings…my freedom, water, earth, sky…the birds, bees…and trees. The rocks and boulders that have been on this earth since the beginning of time….I touch you and am in complete awe…the things you have seen… Your energy moves me in so many ways. Thank you.

Frustration

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One of those days…maybe weeks. I think I am starting to sound like a broken record…
I realize that I am not like all the others…. People in general that is. I cannot believe how easily I become frustrated lately. And what really irritates me is how my frustration comes out…with such emotion.

I am not a fan of…emotional releases in the work place. But I am learning that sometimes what we go through has nothing to do with what we are a fan of…but more often than not, it is some kind of lesson we are working through.

I have been wearing a rose crystal around my neck this week… And you know, it really has helped , has it solved anything? No. Prevented some things from blowing up or out of proportion…yes.
It’s just sometimes I get tired. Tired of being tolerant. Picture a pail and shovel…you know the kind you had as a kid. I feel like the pail…start out empty…ready for what ever gets dropped in my bucket, then shovel by shovel my space fills up…I start feeling heavy and am running out of room. It gets harder to move…think and take on any more…. Until my pail is overflowing with sand…now let’s take a look at the sand…it is small tiny little particles small….insignificant issues, yet when they are all piled on top of one another they are heavy, suffocating and frustrating…
Well it seems my bucket get full a lot faster lately…my fault I know. It’s because I take on way too much. But because I listen and am willing to help, my bucket/pail gets full and I freak out. At least for me…I feel like I freak out. My emotions are crazy and then…once I have vented…released…cried…whatever. I am better and ready to start again.

Part of being an empath is what is making my bucket fill faster. I realize this…I am actively thinking of clearing and cleaning my spaces…my office, my car… I imagine a car wash of sorts clearing/cleaning people as they enter and leave…
I just need to get better at this. I also realize we are coming upon another full moon…so I am sure that is what is also effecting me.

This was a post I wrote yesterday that I never posted…