After a beautiful week off of relaxing and expanding my soul…and being enlightened by the fairies…I wasn’t quite prepared as I thought I was for my first day back to work. What I encountered was a harsh reality of being able to see what I was not able to see before. As disturbing as the words and experience below may sound…it was a beautiful event in the long run. I took all this on before unconsciously…making it mine to bare, in a struggle of frustration I was enlightened…and able to see what I could not see before. I was going to blog about the “poem” below…but feel it is a more honest and true representation of how the lesson revealed itself to me if I present it how it was written. Not only did it open my eyes to what i was allowing to happen, but seeing it and writing out how I felt, helped me. I hope it helps someone else, realize that whatever it is that is affecting you…well..
It may not be yours
Six hours in to my first day back at work and…well… it was rough. Minute by minute it all came crashing back on me. Those feelings that piled upon me before I left, when I just thought I needed a vacation.
The vacation was needed…yes… but not the solution. The solution is protection. After some introspection and some meditation I realized that most of what I am feeling is not mine. No… most of it is the residue that is left in the air that attaches itself to my spirit… seeking something light to amend it. Subconsciously my coworkers are psychically attaching their residue to me… My energy is light, bright and healing. I am the magnet they are seeking.
Sadness despair infiltrates my soul. Black sticky sludge attaches itself to me… to absorb it. To clear it away. Heavy and confused I pull myself to my office.
I firmly stand here…Fighting the urge to run away.
I am a crap magnet, collecting sadness as I walk through the building.
STOP… I yell… help me. I cannot clear it all away; it is not mine to clear. I cannot make it better for you… for any of you.
I see sadness in the eyes of those around me. Sadness that when asked they don’t even know is there. They go about full of despair and routine. Chained and unable to make a choice.
Joy and happiness has been zapped from all that I see. Sadness… sadness is all that I can see and I can barely bare being a moment longer here…
My heart breaks and I feel as though my throat will close… the pain is stifling the black hole of despair is longing to be repaired.
Empty shells walk by me, smiling out of habit, void is their stare. They move about unconscious to the weight that they are carrying. Their spirits reach out to me…and have been attaching themselves to mine.
It’s a wonder my depression won’t lift…my anxiety I can no longer bare…
I must protect my spirit… my soul is crying out to save them all, but I am what needs to be saved.
STOP I yell, yes I see your pain. Yes I know your strife… you can do it…
Aware now… I will call in reinforcements. A coat of mirrors I shall wear… a light of pink I shall surround myself in…white will protect me the rest is up to you..
For if I continue to try and protect or take on all that you subject me to… I will destruct. My heart will explode and my mind will be lost.
For now… I must focus on my own protection from the destruction that is all you.
WOW!!! What a Monday.