Chakra’s, chakra’s and more chakra’s the key is to let your love flow…

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This week was a big one. Busy in the physical sense for me, as well as spiritually. I can definitely tell that there is a full moon tomorrow remember to check out The power path for this months forecast at http://www.thepowerpath.com . My physical body has little tells that I am learning to pick up on and certain kinds of headaches are one of them. This week I have certainly been plagued with that lovely little tell.

What I wanted to share with you however is an experience I had last Sunday at a local holistic fair in Loveland Colorado. I showed up expecting to speed through and maybe pick up some more crystals (rocks) and be done. It seems that no matter where I go, that is what I am consistently drawn to. Sometimes so much so, that I cannot make a choice and after spending hours touching and looking at them, I leave empty handed. I know that I truly have a connection with these gems…I actually get such an overwhelming sense of love and a connection that I cannot choose. Like choosing a favorite child…it is impossible. As always this happened. I did not purchase any stones. I was enthralled and overwhelmed and left empty handed (of rocks that is) believe me though, I touched my fair share that day.

What did happen was a different opening up of sorts. I had my chakras and aura photographed (with this special camera that also reads your biofeedback) it also included a 10 minute chakra reading and translation of sorts. Granted now, I am a hard person to read. I seem to resist and block my energy at times. On this day the connection I felt with the woman doing the reading was, very comforting. I felt that I could trust her. This in of itself is really rare for me, especially in this type of environment.

I did chuckle a bit when I first sat down because she told me I had a very big energy. I really can project it out there. I feel that for the most part I vibrate at a very high frequency, sometimes a little too high (as well as too low on days) internally I shook my head at myself so to speak and reminded myself to maybe pull in a bit.

I was truly thankful that I had allowed myself to really open up and let myself be seen.

The photograph of my chakra’s and my aura felt very accurate for me, visually.

She provided me with some insight that I was finally able to receive, some of it I already knew, but had been continuing to doubt. Her speaking it out loud, allowed (calling me out on it) me to really hear it. Hearing her tell me what I already felt or new inside made it so I wasn’t able to justify it or pretend that it wasn’t what it really was. The work I needed to do was validated.

For the most part all my chakras are big and bright. The two that were more controlled were my fifth and my fourth.

In regards to my fifth. She asked me if I had been biting my tongue a lot lately. I laughed out loud at this. Yes, I said. Yes I have (for those of you that followed me last week you know just how true this was). I have been focusing on speaking through my heart, trying not to let the anger, fear and frustrations I had been feeling come through my communications to others. I have been working on thinking before I speak. Filtering so to speak. She told me that I speak with grace and that I need to trust that and to not constrain my communication so tightly. Let the words, feelings, truth flow freely.

She then moved to my heart. She told me it was like I was keeping it in a box. Man, oh man. She saw what I was doing. When I ground myself a lot of the time I will finish off by putting up a protection of color and energy around my heart, to keep it safe.

She was very forthcoming with information and things I need to work on in my fourth. Here is some of what I was told. I need to learn to trust. Believe in others. Trust that they will be there or if they aren’t to know it is because they were not supposed to be. I need to learn to receive. That by giving not only do I deplete myself (which I knew) but I come off as selfish and that what I am being given is not good enough (which I really did not realize). I need to receive to replenish so I can continue to give. I also need to accept receiving just for the mere beauty of receiving. This is very hard for me. VERY. This energy ball I place around my heart chakra on a daily basis has morphed a bit this last year. It used to be a solid ball (like a hollowed out glass ball) now it is more like a hamster ball. Full of little holes to allow air in. But in my case to allow love in. I think of it like a two way mirror. I can see freely out (give love freely out) but it takes work for someone to see in or get the love in, for me to accept it.

The other thing she said to me in regards to this, was that once I let someone in, they were really in. I don’t allow love in frivolously so when it makes it’s way in I take it seriously, and it’s not easily dismissed. Even harder for me to let it go. This is also a very true statement.

Overall she provided me with some truly great personal insight. Homework that I started working on right away.

The reason i felt compelled to share this is i think we all need to look at are hearts. What I really want us all to look at and think about is, what does YOUR heart chakra look like.

In this chakra we holds many keys. So many things unfold when we learn to look in and accept what we see. I don’t believe I am in the minority when we talk about a constrained or restricted heart chakra.

The task we all face is loving and accepting not only the spirit we are but the person/face we see in the mirror everyday. This is so important!

I came up with a few simple key words to meditate on, or focus on even if it’s just for the weekend. See how they resonate or what they open up for you.
They are:
1) acceptance
2) trust
3) respect
4) forgiveness
5) acceptance (I list this twice, because it is that important! Do you truly accept yourself and or what others give you?)

Believe me I know this is not as easy as I may be making it sound, but it is very important. Small-baby steps my friends.

No matter what path you are on it all stops or continues on through your heart chakra. Are you guilty of self sabotage? We can manifest and intend until we are blue in the face, But ultimately our heart chakra holds the key.

This holistic fair provided me another really meaningful encounter that day, and I look forward to sharing that with you all in a separate post hopefully real soon, in the mean time, open up your heart, and let your love flow…

Namaste~

Fall, the time of the year the colors burn brightly just before they say good bye.

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With the beginning of Fall upon us, I thought I would take a different look at the season.

My whole life (as far back as I can remember at least) Fall/Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. Probably for many of the same reasons that many of you have. The leaves are changing the colors are vibrant and bright. Depending on where you live the change in seasons is an reprieve of the hot summer. I enjoy Fall for all these reasons and then some.

For me, the onslaught of Fall rejuvenates me. I find such excitement and hope in the season. As all the leaves are dying, I am filled with an enormous sense of excitement, energy actually. The season pushes me forward.

Because of this internal excitement, I used to feel that I was a little off. I used to think that Fall was just about things dying, conserving energy, slowing down, and preparing for winter. With this general train of thought you can see why I would be a little confused by the excitement and energy I always begun to feel during the season.

It makes more sense to me now. Now that I understand that Fall is so much more. Sure, the trees start to redirect their energies, and leaves start to die and the colors burn brightly just before they say good bye. Grass hibernates, flowers die, and a chill fills the air. Then, when you look deeper into the soil (soul) you can see that the energy that once was shining above is now focused inside. The direction is aimed at setting the intention for what is to come.

This is where I think we all can and should connect to the season. It is about nourishing the seeds of creation (creativity) and growth. It is a time of excitement, because the unknown is possible. For now is the time to intend, imagine what you want the world (your life) to look like. The possibilities are endless. It’s sad to see the old end, fade or just go away. What is beyond can truly be amazing. Scary…yes, but once you take the plunge you will notice that you have more control then you may have once believed to make it whatever you want it to be.

I heard in a song the other day a line that really stuck with me (sorry I cannot remember the song) the line was “you can be addicted to a certain kind of feeling”. This statement really resonates with me in SO many ways. In reference to this blog however I think it fits with my connection to the season. I love Fall, I love the feeling I get inside when the season is here. It’s an internal excitement, my creativity starts to flow, I begin to believe anything is possible. I truly believe you can be addicted to a certain kind of feeling, and in the Fall for me that feeling is hope and possibilities.

Happy season of nurturing the seeds of intention.

Fear challenge summary, more than I bargained for, but worth it!

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There have been so many times this last week that I thought the end of this week would never come. The revelations have been pretty forthcoming and I believe overall it has been really empowering. The one thing I really tried to not do this week was to sugar coat things. I felt that would diminish it in some way. That being said there are still so many things I left unsaid, unwritten. But that does not mean I did not take a look at them, as well as them look at me.

The fears that came up were as follows:
Day 1- Anger (being considered a weak woman).
Day 2- anxiety that when looked deeper was about the fear of loss.
Day 3- Fear of living for yourself…brought up a lot of work related fears such as:
Not being good enough
Not knowing enough
Not living up to expectations
Being taken advantage of
Failing
Succeeding
Being left behind
Being forgotten about
Not mattering
Not making a difference
Being left out
Not being respected
Being laughed at
Day 4- Back to Anger- but really it was a fear of not being good enough, inadequate, being forgotten.
Day 5- Letting go

After looking at each one of these personal issues/roadblocks this week I think that I could sum it all up into one fear. I am afraid to…just…be..me.

This is a broad fear we all battle with, I think to some extent. From an early stage we are all taught to be the best we can be (don’t mean to steal a line from the Army) but it’s true. From what we are “supposed” to be, what is “expected” of us, what we have been “labeled”, as well as what roll we are to play in this big game called life.

We’ve all been dealt our own hand in this game. Some seem to be luckier than others, but none of us really knows what personal struggles anyone is going through. What looks nice and easy and lucky to you may actually be the opposite to the one who lives it. You don’t know their back story, their struggles, or what thoughts they carry in there head. This is an important thing to remember when your wishing for someone else’s life.

As to my fears, I ultimately have trust issues as well as issues regarding being a woman. Now, let me explain this a little better. When I say I have issues being a woman, I am not talking about my sexuality. I am very well a woman, and in touch with my personal sexuality and ability. I do not underestimate for one minute the power of the female body, not by all means. I understand it’s capacity as well as it’s power.

What I am talking about is the emotional side. I have problems trusting and expressing my feelings, to the point of suppression.
And when you suppress something for too long it will find a way to release itself and ultimately lead to an explosion.

Let’s look at the example of a kinked hose. Have you ever kinked a hose to slow down or temporarily stop the flow of water? When you do this the water isn’t turned off is it? What it does is builds up behind the blockage or kink. If this kink is left unattended the pressure of the water will eventually burst through (with explosive pressure) to say the least. For me, for what ever reason, I feel that the showing of emotions (as a woman) makes me appear weak. So I tend to hide this part of me, I suppress it. The longer I suppress the stronger the need for release. My emotional insecurities of being considers weak, not good enough, of being forgotten or left behind all reach a peak and cause miniature ruptures along my life. The pressure leaks end up disguising themselves as easy to understand emotions such as fear, or anger. When in reality, while it may be a fear it is also so much more then what is being seen on the surface. It is a fear of self acceptance. A fear of being myself, saying what I feel, doing what I want, and trusting that I will still be loved and accepted for who I am.

Now this is all happening on a deeper level mind you, as I truly believe I am a very strong and confident person. What I NEED to embrace is, that I am a very strong and confident WOMAN that is allowed to have emotions, I am allowed to cry.

Some where along the line I have given more power to the masculine. To truly be balanced we must embrace the masculine and the feminine equally. One is not better over the other. In spirit I know this. In body, well… my masculine dominates.

For me this week, I learned that I must start embracing myself for who I am. Forgive myself for not being perfect, or my ideal of what a perfect me should look like. I need to learn to trust that those that matter will unconditionally love me always, for who I really am, not who I think they want me to be.

This was a very deep journey. As I said before many things discovered, even though it may have been left unwritten, did not gone unnoticed. I have a lot of personal work to do. First and foremost I need to learn to receive and ask for help (accepting that it is not a weakness to do so). I was actually told today (at a holistic fair) that when I refuse assistance or don’t allow someone to give to me I appear selfish.

This statement stunned me. Selfish is exactly what I sometimes feel when I think of asking or do accept things from people, how could this be what I am projecting? She told me that it sends the message to them that their offer, gift, time, or whatever it is, is not good enough. WOW…that is definitely not the message I am intending to send. This just validated that I need to work on this for many reasons.

Finally, I want to add that I am not a curled up mess of a person all alone with no one there supporting me. No…I am very lucky. I have so many wonderful people in my life. People who are there for me and love and support me (regardless) every step of the way, in everything I do. I am truly blessed.

The thing is there are many of us out there that even though we have the support…somewhere along the road we stopped feeling that we deserved it or were not entitled to it. It can seem irrational, and that is why we keep it buried so deep. I believe now Is the time, to uncover it. Because if we don’t, we truly can’t continue to grow. Baby steps, that’s what I said before. All it takes is baby steps.

Fear beware. I know I will still have them, but now I understand them a little more. Overall this was a very productive challenge.

Next week I hope to blog on personal empowerment, warrior soul types and past lives.

Thank you for coming along my journey.
Namaste~

Fear Challenge – Day 5!

DAY 5 YIPPIE!!!!

The photo above, which I took on a hike about two years ago, really depicts how hard it can be to sometimes let go. Shows how intertwined we can be.

I am having a hard time today looking at any fears. I felt relatively refreshed and excited for my weekend. Last night in my Thursday Clarivoyant class we worked on the Warrior Soul Type (we have been working on a specific type each class) and it was one perfectly timed and very insightful. I think that next week I will definatly need to focus on past lives and the experiences /imprints we carry over from them.

Today’ revelations

1) Fear- Letting go

2) Alternate reaction- to accept the release and look to forward, to what could be, what is to come. Be both excited for the new chance, opportunity, and experiences. Be happy for the time and relationships that we were able to have the honor encountering.

3) Rational or Irrational-Yes, it is rational. There, I chose a side. so let me explain why I think it is rational. Letting go of something you know and love is hard. Sometimes it is one of the hardest things you can do. Letting go means you will be starting new, and moving into a different direction. A direction unfamiliar to you that you will possibly be doing alone. So…yes this is a rational fear, change and loss is hard.

4) My take on the fear, and what signs are there to recognize it as such in the future- My take of the fear of letting go is… it is HARD. Personally I love new opportunities. I love seeing new things and experiencing the new. However letting go of things is a different story. I think I am afraid of forgetting and being forgotten. Afraid that what ever was…was not real. That would then make me doubt all my feelings and experiences. Are they only real while they are in the forefront of our mind? Let’s go back to the rational question, do I think the feeling I just described is rational? No…I don’t, do I still have this fear…unfortunately yes, to some extent. I also said it before…sometimes if you hold on to something to tight or too long (no matter what it is) you will kill it, suffocate it. It goes back to balance. Embrace the change. examine what it is you’re afraid of forgetting or letting go. Figure out why, and how you can let go but still hold on. It all goes back to balance and recognizing when our fears are not only overwhelming us…but ruling us.

This does go a bit deeper, however I think it will fit better in my wrap up blog on Sunday.

This project, was hard and proved challenging pretty much every step of the way however, I would also do it again in a heartbeat. It has helped me slow down my reaction time… made me stop and really think about what I am experiencing, what my feeling…means. I am really excited to write my wrap up. Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Namaste

Wow, here we are…Fear Challenge DAY 4

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Today is another difficult one. I am no longer sure what negative emotion doesn’t end up being a fear.

My format is going to sway a little today…sorry for the change up.

1) Fear- I am going to go back to anger for a bit here. I realized today that I have been using anger as a shield. It has it’s purpose…and it’s not without cause however, when I really start to poke at it, it’s just covering up “other” stuff, other emotions. Emotions that lead to fears.

2,3,4) Alternate response-Rational or irrational- my take and signs to look for in the future-

I think that it is sometimes easier to just get mad…pass it off on anger and hope that your anger makes people fix the issue…notice your unhappiness, validate your frustrations and tell you…your right.

HA! Well, as much as we all need that sometimes…it’s not the answer. The answer is looking deep within and figuring out why your so angry. How does the supposed issue really affect you personally. I mean it…HOW does it affect you PERSONALLY. That’s right, the majority of the time it doesn’t. Now trust me, I know there are many exceptions and anger does have it’s place, and purpose. We need to stand up for what you believe, and sometimes a sprinkling of anger helps us do just that. It’s when you let it consume you (like I feel I have done this week) that it becomes counter productive and can have the opposite effect that you subconsciously wanted in the first place.

You (me) alone are not going to change or save the world singlehandedly. No matter how we look at it.

What I have realized today is that,just because you don’t like the way someone is doing something does not mean they need to do it your way (regardless of whether your way truly is the best or easiest). This is the hardest lesson for me. I need to let people do what they need to do, the way they want and need to do it.

Because of the journey that I am on and sharing with all of you, I am going to look at it like this.
We are all on a path of learning. We all have lessons, and learn in individual ways. Who are we to and come in and interfere with someone else’s lesson? I can give insight, advice, or even explain a different way. Ultimately it is their lesson, their path. My way may be the best for me at my stage of transition but may hinder their growth or process.

Funny how we all live together on one planet, in the same universe, however we all live independently amongst our own selves. Now…I don’t me we are not inter connected we are. I really feel I am not explaining this right. How about this…. Our auras are like our own individual universes. The space junk that flies in mine may not fly in yours, thereby shifting the way we each experience similar situations. Our perspectives are just that, our perspective no one else’s. Each one of us brings our universes together to form the collective. Collectively we can share, assist, guide and mentor each other based on our individual levels of experiences. Anger is a subtle way of forgetting the fragility and importance of allowing the individuals purpose in the collective.

Back to fear… The anger again goes back to issues with the self (myself). Inadequacies, fear of not being needed…and not doing a good enough job (even though we may be angry because we feel we know how to do your job better). It’s complicated.

A friend said to me…let it go.
I said, how? When really inside I want to, I really do! But I worry that if I do, does it devalue the issue I was so mad at? For some reason I feel that I need to hold on to it as proof that I was right…or proof to give my emotion validation. For if I let go of it, will others think…that wasn’t that big of a deal? It all goes back to personal acceptance.

Well…it’s late. I think I will end what felt slightly like a rant here. I will finish up with day 5 tomorrow, take Saturday off and sum up my week of revelations on Sunday.

Thanks for following.

Namaste~

Day 3 of the Fear Challenge- DONE!! Thank goodness.

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Today has been a rough one.

I am starting to think this may have been a bad week to do this. I seemingly have very little tolerance for incompetancy and laziness. I didn’t want all my posts to be negative or seemingly about work related issues… but…geeze it is where a lot of us spend the majority of our lives isn’t it? I used to love mine. I really did at one time. Currently, I am falling out of love with it.

Either my growth is bringing me to this point or maybe after 10 years I have just had enough. In relation to my Fear focus this week, I think I can sum up all my fears in my micro world here at work.

Today I feel like I am jumping ahead and piling all my fears that pop into my head into one day, all in the name of work.

Fears I relate to work

Not being good enough
Not knowing enough
Not living up to expectations
Being taken advantage of
Failing
Succeeding
Being left behind
Being forgotten about
Not mattering
Not making a difference
Being left out
Not being respected
Being laughed at

How do these fears effect my work, at least from my perspective.
I over extend myself. I worry too much about pleasing others. I fix things. I am abrupt. I hold things in until they can no longer be contained. I am aggressive. I am passive. I am both of those but not usually together like passive aggressive.

How I believe you should be at work.
Respectful
Appreciative
Professional
Speak your mind
Take ownership
Lead
Contribute
Don’t be afraid to make a mistake
Be honest
Take pride in what you do
Have fun
I believe in working hard

Now for my analysis

1) Fear: For some reason in this life time, at this time in my life I seem to have forgotten actually I honestly seem to be aftaid to live for me.

2) Alternate response: Stop. Accept myself and realize only I can really give myself away.

3) Rational or Irrational? Totally irrational. Obviously irrational, but I honestly don’t know where I am going right now. I know if your reading this your thinking…wow, she has gone off the deep end. I haven’t. Rational me is still very much here.

4) My take on the fear and the signs that signal this fear in the future: I have said that I am a dual person…I have even said a triple person. When really I believe I am a chameleon. I am what and who ever you want me to be for the most part (always with a sprinkling of me splattered in the mix). I have always felt this trait of mine was a good one. It has helped me to be compasionate, empathetic, strong and capable in many different situations. I still think it is a wonderful trait to have. I do see that it is also a liability if at some point along the way you forget to be more you than the make believe, make everyone happy you. Otherwise what happens is you forget little by little who the true you is. It never goes away mind you, it just gets used to taking the back seat, and when you end up calling upon it, its presence is not as sure or strong. Potentially making you believe you are lost and all alone. Depleting us of our power and the control of your feelings.

Acceptance isn’t everything…unless it’s the acceptance of oneself, then it’s not just everything but the only thing.

The one thing that I really need to remember is, that no matter how out of control or out of the mix I feel, only I can give myself away. If ever, or should I say when I start to feel that way, then I need to stop myself and realize that only by allowing it, does it really happen or only then does it feel real.

Day…Three…DONE!

I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

Fear Challenge Day 2

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Many of you who follow me are probably wondering what the issue is with me and the lost blogs….join the club. I have no idea. I will just move forward.

Challenge Day 2

1) Fear- Todays fear (at least with my lost blog) was Anxiety. However…after losing it…and the rest of the issues I had this evening, I am changing it to… Losing something, someone, or being lost.

2) Alternate response to this fear– this question feels weird here for me. Doesn’t feel as if it flows, but I will go with it since it was my original plan. Let’s see…an alternate reaction to this fear…stop and see if there is a real potential, in regards to safety and security then act appropriately. If not breathe deeply and proceed. Remind yourself that nothing lost is nothing gained… (as stupid as this sounds it does have it’s case). We need to experience loss sometimes to appreciate what we have.

3) Analyze…is the fear Rational or Irrational Fear- in today’s case, yes and no! HA! There’d goes my both sided answer. Life is soooo not yes or no, or black or white. Back to this fear today. It actually took me a while to uncover it.

4) My take on the Fear, and signs to help me recognize it in the future– The best way to really explain this is to start off at the beginning. I went through a series of losing things. One of which was my blog,before that however my friend was going to go to a class with me. She was not able to come and I lost my partner for the evening. I called my daughter, and got voice mail. I was leaving a message when all of a sudden (It must have been too long of a message) it said “your message has been erased” I was like…what!? I wasn’t done yet! Called back and the call was lost/dropped. I then proceeded to get “lost”, going to my class. Looked at my clock and it said: 6:35, my class started at 6:30. Argh!!! What was going on?! I decided to call information (in an attempt to get directions) only to have the call never get answered. I called back, got help, went literally around the block and found the place, and…it was now 6:33! What happened to the other two minutes??

I parked and went into the class. The class was on Learning to connect with the other side. Great class, great affirmations to what I have been doing as well as experiencing in my life and practice. What did I learn? I have a fear of losing people…of getting lost, being left behind. I need to over come this. I hold on to this fear so tightly that I cause things to get lost. I get blinded to what is in front of me. I push things away. Including my gift, friends, family and loved ones. Push them, detach before I can feel the pain of losing them. This affects me deeply in all areas of my life. I need to heal this emotion. Sometimes holding things too tightly kills it. Sometimes being too detached shuts things down or off prematurely. I need to hold what I love with care, and an unconditional energy.
Signs to look for are what other emotions come through with the fear of losing something…then ask…why would you lose this?
In regards to getting lost…look at it as an opportunity to be where you need to be at that time. There is always a reason. Open your eyes and heart and find it. We are never really lost, unless we choose to close ourselves off.

Day two… As challenging as yesterday, but for many different reasons….
Thanks for your patients. I started this on a whim, but I am amazed at what I am learning to express.
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Thank you.