We need to stop being so hard on ourselves…


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For many of us as we begin our journey within…we go through a gamut of emotions. Excitement is usually at the forefront of those emotions. The mere idea of where we are wanting to go, where we are headed and the prospect of the changes that we hope to incur can make us feel downright giddy.

Soon that emotions begins to shift. We start to concentrate and focus. We focus on the hows, the when’s, the where’s, all in an attempt to figure out the process needed for the desired results to happen.

Then we find ourself in determination mode. Determined to make the plan work. As we work towards our goal we begin to uncover things and the job can start to get tough, messy and complicated. Perseverance is in our blood. We continue to uncover things, dig up issues, and experiences that we hoped to never have to see or experience again. We struggle. We cycle through these emotions over and over and we end up mad, mad at ourselves, for seemingly not getting anywhere.

This is what I really wanted to talk about, how hard we can be on ourselves. We all (self included) tend to be too hard on ourselves. The process to enlightenment, happiness, or romance is a process. We all must first take the time and discover what it is that makes us happy. This is said to all of us over and over and over again…but what does it mean? How can we find what makes us happy when we have spent so much time making or trying to make others happy? This is the challenge. There is no simple easy answer. I wish there was. Even as I typed that a voice in my head said nothing worthwhile ever was (easy that is). I call BS!!! I agree that it is not easy…what I do not agree with is that stupid saying! If it is true for you, it is because you intend it to be so. This goes back to programing that has been unintentionally as well as intentionally done.

We are programmed to believe, we must work hard for our money, good things come to those that wait, and so many other sayings that indicate pain and suffereing are necessary to get where you are wanting to go. I am not saying these things are always untrue… What I am saying is that they don’t need to be. It is a mindset that we need to break.

So often we get frustrated with ourselves because we are not farther along in our quest. We begin to feel inadequate for not being able to manifest the simplest of things. We are confused why a neighbor, friend, or relative has things so figured out and we are still stuck back at “what do I want to be when I grow up”. All these things have a purpose.

I have said it before…baby steps. We all have different paths and different experiences. We need to quit comparing to those around us, you have no idea what lies upon their path. We don’t know the struggles or what work they had to do to get where they are (in this life time or a past).

When you are feeling overwhelmed with where to begin again…with most anything you do…be still. Allow yourself 10-15 minutes of alone, quiet time. Instead of focussing on what you want to be or what you want, shift your focus on what makes you happy. This is a very hard question to many. for many we have forgotten what it is that makes “us” happy. This is the core… the beginning. Make a list. You may find that the first time you do this you are full of anxiety…or frustration. Why do it then? The mind and the body need to first vent these feelings out to get to the real emotions underneath. We need to acknowledge the judgement and then release it, for it is not serving you.

Many people before they go to bed at night write down something they are grateful for…
Many upon getting up will affirm what they are grateful for…
Try writing down one thing a day for a week (at least) that makes you happy. If you have children…yes we know your childeren make you happy… our spouses can make us happpy…our friends can make us happy…
Don’t write these things down. Give yourself permission to not write them down (they still make you happy-but this excercise is about you). Other than that write down “whatever” makes you happy! What gives you joy.

This is the first step. Step two will come next week. No jumping ahead. Just try to find a few things that make you happy.

Enjoy your weekend.

Namaste~

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9 thoughts on “We need to stop being so hard on ourselves…

  1. Pingback: Thought Ripple: Happiness | Two Voices, One Song

  2. This is a hard thing to do, Being programed to make others happy is a common state of mind. We all do it. I’ve done this all my life, and in return the feeling of accomplishment disappeared for myself, but I am over whelmed with pride for others that I may have helped make happy. Now alone like many parents today, look for reason’s or ways to bring back that self knowledge of their self, and wonder if we recognize a self JOY or what it is, or who we are after being a wife …mother…friend… For many years we never even hear our name.. it’s Honey…Dear… Mommy, Mom… or Hey you!…..It’s hard to reavaluate our personal being, after being …(low man on the totem pole) for so many years…LOL! Im going to try your exercise and wait in anticapation for the next exercise…. wish me luck! For I want to not only feel Joy for myself , but recognize it.
    Carol

  3. A very nice read. An important essay indeed. Slow down. Find the quiet place. In the introduction to my book of abstract digital art, I spoke of perfection not being the goal. Perhaps, even an antithesis to creativity. That “Nothing Is Ever Collected In One Moment”. It is the process that counts. With the right mindset we come to realize that happiness is always there, in every step.

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