Judgement- who really wants to be seen as judgemental?

Michelangelo - Fresco of the Last Judgement

Michelangelo – Fresco of the Last Judgement

How many of you feel that this word should be bolded and in all caps!? JUDGEMENT….

How do you define JUDGMENT Here is Merriam Websters attempt.

1) a : a formal utterance of an authoritative opinion
b : an opinion so pronounced
2) a : a formal decision given by a court
b (1) : an obligation (as a debt) created by the decree of a court
(2) : a certificate evidencing such a decree
3) a: capitalized : the final judging of humankind by God
b : a divine sentence or decision; specifically : a calamity held to be sent by God
4) a : the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing
b : an opinion or estimate so formed
5) a : the capacity for judging : discernment
b
: the exercise of this capacity
6) : a proposition stating something believed or asserted

 
This is a touchy topic. No one really wants to be seen as judgemental… Unfortunately it is much more common to encounter people in your everyday life that are judging us to some extent. It seems sad to say that rarely do we come in contact with someone who is not judgemental (in some way or another).
There are so many hot buttons/topics out there that are attached to judging. I don’t want this discussion to become laden with, the legal system, schools or political views of the far left or far right way of thinking. I want to look at the human aspect of it. The personal aspect of judging. The judging of others (against your views) and the judging of self (against your views as well as the views of others).
 
This is a painful word. Why is it painful you may be asking? Is it not just a word? There are so many words that when written or spoken can stir up an enormous amount of pain. This word though…when used towards ones self can stunt growth. It can place roadblocks that need not be there. This word stems from fear.
Many times when the word is being used outwardly (internally upon other people) it happens out of fear, and jealousy. There is a root issue attached to the judgement…which inturn stems back to the judging of ones self.
 
Truthfully none of us is equip to judge someone else.
 
Let’s look inside the schools for a moment… and take a really basic example we have all had some experience with at one time or another (either as a participant or a witness) .
 
Someone within a group (of friends) judges the clothing or music or shoes of someone outside of their group, vocally in front of that person for others to hear (this is a very minor example just for discussion purposes, unfortunately situations like this are usually much worse).
 
Why do they do this? Who are they to judge someone else let alone their personal style? Their choice in music? Who are they to make them feel uncomfortable? What do they have to gain? In this scenario the actions seem pretty straight forward. Lets look at some of the obvious possibilities:
  1. They are picking on someone who appears different to make themselves feel superior.
  2. They wish they had the strength to be their own person.
  3. Their personal anger towards themselves for not having the courage to stand out pushes them to act out, the scenario they fear they would encounter.
  4. They do not feel free to express themselves and be their true self (so why should someone else)
  5. pick on… so you’re not picked on.

I think you get my point in regards to outward judgement.  It is usually an act of fear and jealousy (in an odd way). 

Let’s turn the table around and look at judgement from the dreaded, ever imposing, internal perspective.

JUDGEMENT…The hardest thing we are on ourselves!!  This is the word. the action. the thing that stops us the most besides fear (since they are so very related).

So many of us spend our lives judging ourselves.  Attempting to live by standards that were most likely set into motion by someone other than ourselves.  Ideals placed in our field by our parents and society.  I mean it really is the job of our parents, caregivers to help mold us into the people we are today.  We learn to live by the values of our loved ones.  I am not saying any of that is wrong!!!  Not at all!  Especially since the alternative would be solitude growing up, where we would never be able to choose a side or know right from wrong. 

What I am trying to do here is make you think about your values for a moment. 
Are they truly yours?  Do you believe them?  Do they feel in alignment with your current path…  How does it resonate within your current belief system?   

These are some short sentences that hold some pretty big questions.   I would suggest writing out your ideals, your values, basically the things that instantly come to your mind, that represent a good life, good person. 

Now…put a check mark next to the ones you would expect your friends to live up to.
Next, put a check mark next to the ones that you expect yourself to live up to.  

Now… look at this list. Does it seem complete… all the check marks where they need to be?  You may be thinking… where are you going with this?  Well, if you have two check marks next to each item on your list this is great.  Possibly you are in alignment.  Why do I say possibly???  Because we have a few of these lists… and the expectations with the items on the lists seem to change.   But it is a great check point to become more aware of your ideals, your values. 

The next thing to think about is what holds you back from doing something that does not affect your value system. 
let me give you some examples….

I would like to quit my job.  I don’t , because I am afraid that it would make me a quitter, a failure. 
NOW , If my friend were to say to me.  I really want to quit my job and do (blank).  I would counsel her to do what makes her happy.  That she would not be a quitter by moving in the direction her heart was pointing her.  I would ask her why she would consider herself a failure?  I would empower her to be who she was ment to be. 

I have decided to hold myself to a standard that I do not hold my friends at…why?  Why would we judge ourselves in a way we would never judge someone else? 

Here is another example:

I do not like to cry.  I hold my tears in.  When I start to cry, I get angry at myself and feel like I am weak.  I tell myself nothing good comes from crying.  Weak…weak… overly emotional…woman.  Float in head.  LOL!  Granted I know this is an issue and topic all on its own, but I digress… back to the example.  NOW, the scenario changes and a good friend comes to me with an issue.  They are crying…and they start to apologize for crying.  I stop them and tell them not to apologize.  They need to cry, release it. Feel it.  Let it out.  They say, I feel like such a baby though… I tell them that they are anything but.  All the while in my heart I feel so much love and compassion for this person.  I do not feel judgement… I do not look at them as weak…or overly emotional or as being “female”…NOT AT ALL.  Why is it easier to be accepting of this behavior with someone else but not in myself/ourself? 

Now these were just personal examples to try to make my point.  Each of us have different situations that they can possibly relate to.  Just as we each have different standards to which we attempt to live our lives.  Are these standards on your list?  Are these standards yours or expectations others placed upon you?  In the two situations above I have personally asked myself… do you think you are better than them? My answer is always no…I dont.  I just expect more from myself. 

I think part of it is judgement…and part of it is really knowing what we are personally capable of… we forget to be forgiving to ourselves.  We forget to hold our self in a compassionate stance.  

I know this became a truly long blog post… I am sorry.  I could go on…and on…and on, however… It all goes back to what I have been talking about in my last series of posts… We need to look within, learn who we are. 

Remember when doing any self work… we need to hold our space with  neutrality and amusement.  
Release expectations and let things flow.  The best advice I can give you is to give yourselves the advice, and understanding that we would give our dearest friend…our children. 

Love and light~
Namaste

We cannot be strong without first learning to be weak.

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I have been in a space lately which has provided me with little focus on my writing. It seems a lot of the different compartments in my life are all needing some kind of attention.

Each one with a message, a lesson to be learned, all coming at me at one time. This is not however by chance. I realize this. It is because of the journey I have been on and the growth I have experienced along the way. I understand this, and I welcome the chance to grow. A greater part of my lessons really, is to learn how to discern what is mine and of mine what is the most important. I am being presented with the points along my path that I maybe would have missed before. Little stops in the road, so to speak. Places where you must chose a direction to take, left or right.

For me weakness is a big theme. It seems I am being faced with this word in what feels like all aspects of my life. Work, health, relationships, and internally.

As for the physical sense, well I have undertaken a personal challenge to get in shape. Even though I have spent a lot of time over the past few years in our local gym I have become out of shape. I seem to of gotten into such a routine nothing was changing. I decided to take charge and signed up for a Firm body boot camp. This class has humbled me, by how weak and out of shape I have truly become. The class is kicking my butt!!

I was also getting a massage from a wonderful healer who uses many different healing modalities in her service. While working on my body and receiving information for me from her guides and my guides she told me that I need to be more accepting of my feminine self. Embrace her. She asked me why I resisted it so much. I told her that I have seemed to equate being feminine with being weak. She told me that I cannot be strong with out first being weak, and that sometimes strength comes to us in the acceptance of our weaknesses. This actually made me cry. I have spent and still spend to much time being strong. Sometimes I have even resented the weak, for not taking charge or a stand. I have not allowed myself to accept weakness in myself.

I can accept and encourage others to embrace their hearts, cry if they need to cry, and have encouraged them take comfort in their needs. All the while telling them it is ok, that there is no judgement and nothing wrong with simply crying. I believe this with all my heart and do not judge them. I accept them and do not find them as weak. Yet, I will not accept it in myself, for to me I would be weak… Makes no sense, I know this.

Most all of us hold ourselves at a higher standard, we expect more from ourselves then we do from others. I have always assumed it is because deep within,we know how hard we have tried, or haven’t tried. We know. That knowing seems to get out of hand however, we can begin to expect to much.

The first few days of my boot camp, I felt like giving up. I pushed on and nearly passed out. How stupid is that!? What glory do I have to gain by passing out, what and to whom do I have anything to really prove? The fear of weakness can be physically taxing and even dangerous for your health.

I think of crying as a sign of weakness. At a very early age, I found that crying did not change things, it can sometimes actually make them worse. I stuff my emotions, and live in a vey protected bubble. Never allowing my emotions to run completely free. Doing so in my eyes would make me weak.

Crying does not make one weak. Never asking for help makes us weak. Never letting our true self be seen makes us weak.

I believe that in our fight to be strong we sometime find it easier to push ourselves aside and hide behind a coat of armor versus face ourselves in the mirror.
Doing this causes us to see images in others that may reflect a part of who we are that we may have forgotten,because we have buried that piece of ourselves so deep.

I do believe that this desire to block out our weaknesses and live only within the strength is controlled more by our ego then by spirit.

So we must stop trying to be perfect, live to experience life. Stop and smell the roses when you get tired. Life is not a race. It is not meant for us to be perfect. It is to learn, grow and make decisions that change our life. Strength is in the acceptance of ourself, so we can stop fearing the differences in others. Weakness does not cause fear, hate or win or lose wars. Denying our weaknesses is. For by denying our weakness, we deny ourselves.

I will let you in on something I have been trying.

I have decided to imagine myself in whatever images of weakness I can think of. I have closed my eyes, and lined up all the weak me’s I can imagine.
Now, I am warning you this is hard, and very emotional so it may take a few times (depending on how many images you have).

Once all of me are present, I sit and really take a look at me. The first time I did this I was only able to look at the first one. It was so…awakening. I saw a version of me, crying. I felt so bad for this person. I asked what was wrong, why I was crying. I looked at myself and this version of me said, because you have rejected me. I was moved to tears. How could anyone reject this beautiful soul. I was moved.

I realized then that I need to look at my so called weaknesses as if I am looking at a stranger. Would I then see it as a weakness and dismiss it, or would I understand and accept them for who and what they were.

Granted I have only done this exercise twice. It is a process I feel you cannot rush. Conjuring up all your weakened versions of yourself (can be overwhelming) the first time is a good idea. This gives you a good look at what your have to work through personally. After that, work with one version at a time. Just acknowledge them, and let the reality of it sink in. This is how you will heal.

My issue is weakness, but I really think this process will work with whatever internal issue you are working on.

Good luck, thanks for letting me express myself. I hope you all have a wonderful weak.

Namaste~

Baby Steps

So many of us are on big paths of transition right now… or as I like to think of it assension.  Transforming our lives.  Remembering our plan and rerouting our path.  It’s very important during this time, to remember that there is work to be done both within ourselves as well within our outside world.

I am reminding myself that it’s the baby steps that are most important right now. You know how they say that the slower you lose weight not only is it the healthiest,  but you have the best chance of successfully keeping it off.  I think that personal growth and change works the same way. 

This is a hard task in a time of  “insta” everything. We as a society have developed a mindset that if it doesn’t happen “now” it wont happen.  We give up.  The challenge we face is realizing that instant gratification is not everything.  More times than not it is a diversion to tempt us away from our goal or true purpose. 

I know and deal with this personally.  So, how do we over come this?  How do we retrain ourselves?  I believe it goes back to Baby steps… you set small attainable goals.    

I  have been practicing this.  I have been asked to teach.  I have been told I can teach, that I do without realizing it.  I am scared and I am very hard on myself.  I know this.  The expectations I hold over myself are much higher than any I would EVER hold over ANYONE.  This I am able to acknowledge as wrong.  I however; am not able to change it over night.  So, I am working on…babysteps. 

I agreed to start teaching a workshop in October!  This is a small step (in the direction I am wanting to go full-time) however; it is a BIG step in self allowance.  That is the first step I have consciously taken. 

The second step happened yesterday.   I am an “occasional” golfer.  Which is very difficult for a person like me.  Internally I have such a drive to be “good” and yes…secretly sometimes the “BEST”  argh!  I am so very competitive and at times that competitiveness is downright embarrassing.  I am not even good, I barely ever do it (Golf) and yet I feel the need to be the best!  This in itself is a unrealistic expectation I set upon myself that does not promote anything except personal insecurities.  Very self destructive behavior. 

Back to yesterday, I was invited/included in a golf event for the company I work for.  At first I was excited and pleased to be included.  Then the old feelings of stress started to creep upon me… I started to worry about who I would be golfing with…what would they think.  I recognized the behavior and took a deep breath.  This I thought will be a big test of self acceptance for me.  A true test, actually.  You see the competitive nature in me is so strong that to be able to make it through this golf game without getting frustrated or down right angry with myself, was going to be BIG!

When the golf teams were posted, I felt the anxiety start to creep up.  At first I was put with three male coworkers in which I knew all but one fairly well.  Then it changed.  And then it changed again.  When the team was finally finalized I ended up knowing everyone pretty well.  I was comfortable with my team (competitive still…yes, but comfortable as well).   Usually, I would have been so very stressed out however, this time… I reminded myself that I am who I am (which is not a pro golfer).  I am doing this for fun.  There is no “prize” to be had.

I am pretty happy with how I handled myself.  I set out to take it easy on myself and I feel I was about 75% successful with my mission!  BABY STEPS!!!  It’s working!  Every time I caught myself having a negative thought (about myself) I stopped it.  I reminded myself that it did not matter.  I will not lie… it was harder than I thought. 

I know Baby Steps sound small and simple.  In a big way that is what they are supposed to be small, simple steps.     Don’t let the small simple steps fool you.  These small precious steps are not always so simple, and when you accomplish them, it’s huge!  The more you take the bigger the impact as well as the results!

Good luck with your baby steps.