I was really challenged today…to maintain my sanity. To put to use the tools I have developed to keep myself grounded. I have to say, in my lowest point of my day today… I sought some solitude and decided to … Continue reading →
Intensity, anger, fear, frustration…these are the emotions I have been hit with lately. Now, not ALL the time, but a lot of the time. I have noticed I have been very intolerant. Which in a work (business) environment is not … Continue reading →
I had an interesting dream last night… When I was in my teens I actually kept a dream journal…and had some pretty amazing adventures…dreams within dreams, being aware that I was dreaming…watching my dream as though it were a movie…sleep … Continue reading →
I went in my meditation room this evening and pulled a couple of my Earth Cards…
The first card I received was the Ocean card~Eb and Flow and the second one was tsunami.
The cards really worked well with my insight on the wind.
Water is emotions…going with the Eb and flow of our emotions if we don’t work through our emotions…we go against the waves..against our emotions. All this does is frustrate us and make us work harder for little movement forward.
As for the tsunami card…this could mean a lot of different things one being an explosion of sorts of all those emotions we don’t deal with. It’s a torrent of confusion that needs to be sifted through….it can also mean something completely unexpected is around the corner…and once the storm calms the good can be seen. I am reminded that I need to make it through the storm…knowing there will be a calm.
Sometimes the storms we deal with are all within…most are emotions that attach themselves to our ego. The dangerous emotion is fear. Fear is irrational, rational, and substantial.
So this evening… I am going to try and seek some guidance…
I am sitting in car at the park, just finished my lunch. Happy to have some quiet alone time in the middle of my day. Excited to maybe get in a quick blog entry… Sitting here with the sun pouring in through the window…my body starts to relax, i can feel the tension slowly melt away. The only thing that i can hear is the sound of the wind…fighting for my attention. The last few days the wind here has been crazy! Roaring through the night keeping everyone up, blowing down trees…people even.. Quite impressive the amount of power something you cannot even see can exude.
Kind of like spirit, faith, trust, love, anger….all things that you cannot conventionally see that are so very powerful.
Many of the people in my life right now are feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, stressed..I think the wind is reminding me of why. It screams change…forward movement. The wind actually speeds up the movement, which in turn can frustrate those that are not ready to move at such an assertive pace. Whether the change you are gnu through is big…or small… Or your choice or an imposed change..feeling as though you have no…or lost control of the speed at which you accomplish the change can illicit a sense of fear and can be very frustrating.
But what the wind is telling me is…the remnants I have left behind (for whatever purpose) are being blown away. That they are not needed. It is also telling me that not only am I in a star of transition the collective is. We are transcending to another plane of understanding, stepping closer and closer to spirit, opening not only our minds, but our hearts.
And no matter the end result change can be uncomfortable…annoying and incessant….just like the wind. It can also be beautiful, refreshing, and awakening…just like the wind.
So let your self be embraced, feel the warmth of the sun, and the love of spirit. Join in the excitement of the new directions the world is moving in.
Remind yourself to remember what is important to you, that what others may say…don’t matter, it’s what you know that counts. Trust yourself.
I thought I would share a little bit of what brought me to where I am today.
I think I have always felt…different…older than what I was…younger than I am. I know it sounds like a really weird duality…but it really does explain the pull I have always felt.
Like I always had a purpose. Now…it is not like I woke up one day and said wow…I am clairvoyant. No…let’s see how I can describe this…. There would be times of clarity…times of knowing…flashes of information. Answers would just come to me. I would become aware of my voice and listen as I spoke wondering…how did I know that? And in the same flash the clarity would be gone. It confused me. My mind would feel like Swiss cheese at times…and at others it would feel overflowing with information. As a young child…I remember playing all alone…completely content…talking to myself. I don’t remember ever having a “imaginary” friend…but I also remember talking to everything and everyone. And… It didn’t seem weird.
I chuckle even as I write thinking of what I put the poor paster through at the church I went to as a young child. I remember following him around…asking question after question…for every answer he would give me I would ponder his response…and reply with a very sincere…why. I don’t think I have ever felt comfortable with the box version of religion, even as a kid I wanted to know more. I stuck it out for many years even taught Sunday school…but…I would get so frustrated with the fear that was always imposed or underlying. I always felt that I had been there. Again the feeling of knowing.
Jumping ahead in my teenage years I connected so strongly to a friend that we could read each others minds…I recall being tested at multiple parties (they would have one of us in one room and the other in another) it was all fun and we really didn’t think much of it. Other than being really connected of course. I had my bouts of seeing ghosts… But one experience that left the largest impact was riding my bike by a cemetery and needing to turn around and flee. My friend and I were riding by the cemetery (one I had been by many times before) and feeling this intense energy and noise in my head. It literally felt like I was standing in a crowd and everyone was shouting and talking at the same time. I put my hands over my ears and the noise would not go away… This experience left a lasting impression on me. To this day when I think of it…my ears fill with pressure. Looking back, I don’t think this was negative energy really. I think it was energy waiting to be heard. Spirits putting put a sort of SOS call… Looking to connect to someone on this side that could hear them…that maybe could…help them. I still feel bad that I was so frightened. I think that because of this experience I shut done my clairaudience / medium ability for quite some time… I am happy to say that i feel it is reopening.
All these little experiences are like little portals. Recognized, we know them for what they are and look for them, use them and return to them, welcome them. Unrecognized they become coincidences, weird, strange things that happen…they become unrecognizable,unappreciated and eventually smaller in size and experience.
I welcome these experiences… I want to learn from these experiences….I am thankful for these reminds at who I am…who I am striving to become. They remind me not only of the path I carefully created but the fact that no matter what direction I am going, I will reach my destination. The direction/s I choose to take only determine the experiences I will gather along the way. Each one teaching me a lesson along the way. It is just my job to see the lessons. I understand that some are easy to see, easy to have, others…not so much. Others may take time…repetition before I can see it unfold…and understand. Many will hurt. Many will not.
I have been having a bit of a writers block lately… It’s odd though… I feel as though I have so much to say, to talk about and yet I get a moment alone and it’s all stopped up and nothing comes out.
I recently got a tattoo… I have been wanting one for years. I have just never been able to commit to one that I would be happy with for the rest of my life. Well… I finally made the leap. Funny thing is, until the moment when they put the tracing paper onto my body I was still not yet convinced…it’s really crazy.. I thought I knew where I wanted it, and that ended up changing at the last minute as well. End result is I am very happy, not only with my tattoo but my new found confidence in moving forward. I ended up getting three butterflies in flight in the center of my back. A red orange one, representing my safety and security (first and second chakras) and a blue and green one representing my heart and true voice (fourth and fifth chakra) and a blue and purple one representing my ascension from physical to spirit (my sixth and seventh chakra). The group together represents the transformation…and the pain and beauty alone the way. Even now I feel their power and love as they help propel me forward onto new adventures. Someone asked me…why a tattoo…why the need to permanently place it upon your body. Honestly…I don’t have a really good answer. For me it is just something I have been meaning to do for sooo long. I was waiting for something that I felt such a strong conviction for that I would never regret. It’s like a….what’s the word….you know a step…what did the Indians call it… Rite of passage…a ritual.. For me it was just that , a rite of passage.
An acceptance of who I am and who I am becoming.
Lately it’s all about transitions, growth and accession. All this cleaning and clearing out that has been so focused on me, well it’s because it a time of incredible growth right now. Cross roads where ever I turn. We face many decisions in our day to day activity, most of the time we are just not always aware of them all. So many things just seem to….happen. When in all reality they don’t ” just” happen, we make choices that make them happen ( choices we are not always aware of making). Except…right now, I am realizing and seeing a lot of my choices. It’s like a veil has been lifted. I think that this may be why I can become so overwhelmed at times. So many roads to choose from. Which one is the best, which will get me there with the least resistance, or am I ready to face that picture. The more tuned in you are with spirit the more aware you become to everything around you.
So… For me…My new tattoo helps me move forward. The butterflies help me continue to fly forward, they remind me to stay light hearted…they remind me that life is fragile, and so are the people we meet, and most of all it reminds me that anything is possible…
I had a revelation today… I keep being presented with cleaning, or clearing out space. I also keep resisting…and as always what we resist… persists. The thing is, its time to clear out the old for the new. Rearrange the spaces in our lives that feel cluttered.
Here is what I am realizing personally…
I am making changes in my bedroom closet…expanding it, making it larger easier to move around in. How does this relate to my mental body? Well what is a closet?
For me, it is where I keep old clothes, current clothes, shoes…I store old things…things I don’t want to let go. In cleaning out this room, I realized that I could not believe how much I had…if I didn’t clear this space, I wouldn’t have room to grow. What I have needed to do is let go of things…”things” that I no longer need to make room for things I am ready to put away for awhile. Giving me more space to expand myself.
This in turn will leave my bedroom less cluttered, help me sleep better. It will also will allow me to recreate my relationship space with my husband.
After I got through this clean out… I was presented with another…at work. I needed to relocate my office to another office. Sounds simple right? Wrong! I had been in my space for only two years…however…my office was crammed with all that I had accumulated in the nine years I have been there. But once again…it was time…time to purge, to make room to separate myself from the past to move foreword into the future. I needed to let go of what I thought was so important…
I realize that I am in an expansion time frame right now… And if I did not realize this I guarantee You I would be presented With yet another room to clean!!!
I know this is somewhat a shortened repeat of my last post….but,it’s a very strong message coming through right now.
Take a look at what keeps presenting itself to you…you know the thing…the thing you keep pushing aside, resisting…take a look at it. See it for what it is…what is the lesson, or the message that you are not hearing?
For me it’s the acceptance of growth. That what I once held on to that defined and described me no longer was it doing me justice… I needed to clear things out, to redefine the me I am today, as well as make room for the me that I am becoming.
The journey is seldom a straight line…the trick is learning to go with the curves and bends that come along with it…and remembering that sometimes that getting to our destination is the most amazing part.