Michelangelo – Fresco of the Last Judgement
How many of you feel that this word should be bolded and in all caps!? JUDGEMENT….
How do you define JUDGMENT Here is Merriam Websters attempt.
1) a : a formal utterance of an authoritative opinion
b : an opinion so pronounced
2) a : a formal decision given by a court
b (1) : an obligation (as a debt) created by the decree of a court
(2) : a certificate evidencing such a decree
3) a: capitalized : the final judging of humankind by God
b : a divine sentence or decision; specifically : a calamity held to be sent by God
4) a : the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing
b : an opinion or estimate so formed
5) a : the capacity for judging : discernment
b : the exercise of this capacity
6) : a proposition stating something believed or asserted
This is a touchy topic. No one really wants to be seen as judgemental… Unfortunately it is much more common to encounter people in your everyday life that are judging us to some extent. It seems sad to say that rarely do we come in contact with someone who is not judgemental (in some way or another).
There are so many hot buttons/topics out there that are attached to judging. I don’t want this discussion to become laden with, the legal system, schools or political views of the far left or far right way of thinking. I want to look at the human aspect of it. The personal aspect of judging. The judging of others (against your views) and the judging of self (against your views as well as the views of others).
This is a painful word. Why is it painful you may be asking? Is it not just a word? There are so many words that when written or spoken can stir up an enormous amount of pain. This word though…when used towards ones self can stunt growth. It can place roadblocks that need not be there. This word stems from fear.
Many times when the word is being used outwardly (internally upon other people) it happens out of fear, and jealousy. There is a root issue attached to the judgement…which inturn stems back to the judging of ones self.
Truthfully none of us is equip to judge someone else.
Let’s look inside the schools for a moment… and take a really basic example we have all had some experience with at one time or another (either as a participant or a witness) .
Someone within a group (of friends) judges the clothing or music or shoes of someone outside of their group, vocally in front of that person for others to hear (this is a very minor example just for discussion purposes, unfortunately situations like this are usually much worse).
Why do they do this? Who are they to judge someone else let alone their personal style? Their choice in music? Who are they to make them feel uncomfortable? What do they have to gain? In this scenario the actions seem pretty straight forward. Lets look at some of the obvious possibilities:
- They are picking on someone who appears different to make themselves feel superior.
- They wish they had the strength to be their own person.
- Their personal anger towards themselves for not having the courage to stand out pushes them to act out, the scenario they fear they would encounter.
- They do not feel free to express themselves and be their true self (so why should someone else)
- pick on… so you’re not picked on.
I think you get my point in regards to outward judgement. It is usually an act of fear and jealousy (in an odd way).
Let’s turn the table around and look at judgement from the dreaded, ever imposing, internal perspective.
JUDGEMENT…The hardest thing we are on ourselves!! This is the word. the action. the thing that stops us the most besides fear (since they are so very related).
So many of us spend our lives judging ourselves. Attempting to live by standards that were most likely set into motion by someone other than ourselves. Ideals placed in our field by our parents and society. I mean it really is the job of our parents, caregivers to help mold us into the people we are today. We learn to live by the values of our loved ones. I am not saying any of that is wrong!!! Not at all! Especially since the alternative would be solitude growing up, where we would never be able to choose a side or know right from wrong.
What I am trying to do here is make you think about your values for a moment.
Are they truly yours? Do you believe them? Do they feel in alignment with your current path… How does it resonate within your current belief system?
These are some short sentences that hold some pretty big questions. I would suggest writing out your ideals, your values, basically the things that instantly come to your mind, that represent a good life, good person.
Now…put a check mark next to the ones you would expect your friends to live up to.
Next, put a check mark next to the ones that you expect yourself to live up to.
Now… look at this list. Does it seem complete… all the check marks where they need to be? You may be thinking… where are you going with this? Well, if you have two check marks next to each item on your list this is great. Possibly you are in alignment. Why do I say possibly??? Because we have a few of these lists… and the expectations with the items on the lists seem to change. But it is a great check point to become more aware of your ideals, your values.
The next thing to think about is what holds you back from doing something that does not affect your value system.
let me give you some examples….
I would like to quit my job. I don’t , because I am afraid that it would make me a quitter, a failure.
NOW , If my friend were to say to me. I really want to quit my job and do (blank). I would counsel her to do what makes her happy. That she would not be a quitter by moving in the direction her heart was pointing her. I would ask her why she would consider herself a failure? I would empower her to be who she was ment to be.
I have decided to hold myself to a standard that I do not hold my friends at…why? Why would we judge ourselves in a way we would never judge someone else?
Here is another example:
I do not like to cry. I hold my tears in. When I start to cry, I get angry at myself and feel like I am weak. I tell myself nothing good comes from crying. Weak…weak… overly emotional…woman. Float in head. LOL! Granted I know this is an issue and topic all on its own, but I digress… back to the example. NOW, the scenario changes and a good friend comes to me with an issue. They are crying…and they start to apologize for crying. I stop them and tell them not to apologize. They need to cry, release it. Feel it. Let it out. They say, I feel like such a baby though… I tell them that they are anything but. All the while in my heart I feel so much love and compassion for this person. I do not feel judgement… I do not look at them as weak…or overly emotional or as being “female”…NOT AT ALL. Why is it easier to be accepting of this behavior with someone else but not in myself/ourself?
Now these were just personal examples to try to make my point. Each of us have different situations that they can possibly relate to. Just as we each have different standards to which we attempt to live our lives. Are these standards on your list? Are these standards yours or expectations others placed upon you? In the two situations above I have personally asked myself… do you think you are better than them? My answer is always no…I dont. I just expect more from myself.
I think part of it is judgement…and part of it is really knowing what we are personally capable of… we forget to be forgiving to ourselves. We forget to hold our self in a compassionate stance.
I know this became a truly long blog post… I am sorry. I could go on…and on…and on, however… It all goes back to what I have been talking about in my last series of posts… We need to look within, learn who we are.
Remember when doing any self work… we need to hold our space with neutrality and amusement.
Release expectations and let things flow. The best advice I can give you is to give yourselves the advice, and understanding that we would give our dearest friend…our children.
Love and light~