I hear it…do you?
beating rhythm of a heart…my heart.
Edgar Allen Poe is running through my thoughts right now…
He was always a favorite poet and story-teller of mine, when I was younger. He seemed to be able to describe in such great detail the depth of pain a heart could cause or hold.
Think about it…an organ, a magnificent body organ that works in harmony with our brain to keep us alive.
That is all it is right…an organ.
But is it? I am afraid not. Even though it is an organ, this beautiful construction has the capacity to make us feel,and hold emotions. Some that are in the moment and many that no longer serve us.
Even a simple rhythm in a song can trigger and recreates an emotional reaction…
a longing in the heart. Just as the tempo shifts our thoughts and feelings begin to change as well. We react like the strings attached to a marionette.
Are you in control of your emotions…or are your emotions in control of you?
What emotion do you lead with? In your daily life…your exchanges, are you leading with your heart? What does this mean to you? Are you able to tell the difference between the two? Can you tell if you are leading or being lead? Do you see the potential difference?
I have fond myself at times in a an emotional circle… Where I have experienced something that left a very strong emotional reaction/impact on my heart… Instead of working through it and looking for the lesson…breaking down the experience, and removing judgment of self and others…I wallow.
Let me say for a minute here that there is a great difference between , feeling an emotion, letting it run its course and wallowing. It is really important to feel the emotion and move through it. Coming out on the other side is important. If you don’t process it…it can become you.
Leading with emotion is not always bad…as with pretty much anything I write about it is about balance. I find it hard to fixate on a black and white type of answer or society. everything happens for a reason and everything that needs to happen will. It is how we come at things… what emotion or stance we hold going into a situation can give it a completely different outcome. It all goes back to the fact that we have choices and lessons in this life time… how we get to our destination is determined by us. Some choices and lessons will take faster than others and some will move slower. How you get there is up to you. We need to learn to look within ourselves and see what our motivation or agenda is at any given time.
Some will say that they do not live from agenda and that they have reached the highest of vibrations… Great… I don’t necessarily believe that this happens very often. This physical life of ours is full of twists and turns. We live equally in ego and spirit… to do this we encounter the effects of both. All I want for all of us is to open our minds and our hearts to our intentions. Understand ourselves and why we chose left and not right. Learn from our choices and our reactions. Don’t just be a game piece in your life, live it, be an active participant of the internal life as well as your external.
It is possible to coast through and let ourselves be led through the experiences in our current life time…but why? Why wouldn’t we want to be an active participant in our choices? Relish in the beauty of it, the joy…sure there is pain as well…but through the pain we always have the potential for growth. Expansion…in awareness of who we are and who we were meant to be.
So as we embark on this confusing spring season (yes confusing) engage your heart and chose neutrality in most all your outward interactions. Why do I say confusing? I seem to be getting the message that each season this year holds a year of seasons within it. Each primary season magnified by its matching season within it, but also having traits and mirroring all the other seasons as well. 2013 is proving to be very unique, fast and exciting all at the same time. Again I compare it to a time warp… a worm hole in the universe, providing an express lane to the next lesson.
The biggest reminder is to live from your heart, that incrediable organ holds the key to your continued growth. This chakra has been preparing for a very long time to help take on the power needed to infuse the rest of your energy centers. All you need to do is open it up, air it out, let the blood pump through and trust that this is the new direction for all.
Hold on and enjoy the ride. Happy spring.
Have you ever stopped to wonder what you would have been like had you had the opportunity to meet yourself as a child?
I realize this is a really odd question. It is so interesting to peek into our childhood, years later. You see I happened upon some old journals of mine. I obviously fell in love with writing even as a young adolescent. I was eleven years old when my mother gave me my first journal, it was a Christmas gift. It was inscribed inside with the date December 1978. Little did I know then that I would develop such a personal relationship and passion with writing. One would think my grammar and spelling would be impeccable by now (unfortunately it is not). I obviously fell in love with the outlet not the specifics. I have always been passionate about the journey the experience and not necessarily the actual structure and schematics of writing, or anything else for that matter.
It is a funny thing, reading things your eleven old self felt was relevent enough to write about. I, it seemed worried a lot about boys! Ha! But seriously boys, family and love. I was always “in love” graved it you could say. Desired it. Needed it. Felt it so strongly. Knowing the person I am today, when I first read some this journal, I was taken a back a bit.
I have written about it before and spent a great deal of time working on it (my heart Chakra). I have sometimes wondered in the past, if I truly knew/know the feeling of love. Don’t get me wrong. I have a beautiful family that I love dearly. But when I have tried to really dissect this feeling called love I have always felt it eluded me. I always have felt that I have been guarded and not allowed myself to feel completely and when I have… whatch out, the emotion overwhelms me. I let very few people in to that sacred space called my heart, and when I do let you in, you are there forever. However… now that I have stepped back into time a bit I have a different perspective on my relationship with love.
After reading my journals from 6th grade to 9th (as far as I have gotten to date) I believe I was born with an overwhelming abundance of love in my heart. My heart Chakra must have been wide open. I loved everything and everyone. Saw the good in people even when they mistreated me and my feelings. I look at some of my words and realize how confused and tormented I was when their behavior did not match my expectations. This purity, this outlook, starts large in all of us. I believe the key is learning how to balance this chakra. I believe that if we continue to hold it wide open we potentially damage the innocence that we hold here causing a knee jerk reaction of closing this chakra completely off.
I think this is something that we see in society today. Many people out there that have closed themselves off due to experiences to the heart chakra which have damaged that part of them (at a young age) they so easily gave.
How or better yet, can we fix this? Is it too late?
By learning to run our energy and understand the effect it has on us as well as others. Yes, we can fix this.
I do not believe it is too late. It just takes the desire to do the work.
The very first step is understanding your energetic field and learning about your ability to hold boundaries. This is KEY. By the way….THIS is what we should be teaching our young! Everyone should be learning at a very young age the importance of personal boundaries . It should be taught in preschool, prior to entering the world unprotected and vulnerable. A bit dramatic??? Not really. I once read somewhere (when my children were very young) that you should not take a newborn out for at least 30 days. Because there aura’s was still developing and they were susceptible to negative energies. I am sure I got some of the specifics wrong, but I think I made the general point and I truly believe there is some truth to this!
This is now, my passion. My desire to share with everyone I can the importance of boundaries and introspection. Learning the power of self-reflection and introspection, knowing when what you are feeling is yours and what is someone elses. Not letting the cutting words or callousness of others force you to shut down your heart chakra.
How does this fit in with my last blog? What is your next step to practice? Hopefully you were able to come up with something that you believe makes you happy (give you joy). Don’t be discouraged if you were not able to figure something out yet… or if you were only able to come up with one or two things. This is a hard task! Over the course of the next few days I want you to practice running your energy. If you need a guid check out a previous blog of mine Steps to grounding
After you have ran your energy, think about what you would say…. to your eleven year old… self.
Would you give your self words of wisdom? A warning? Would you encourage yourself. what would you say? This task will take some time. Use the next few days to try to remember that part of you that time has separated us from. Add your message to the list of things that give you joy. Don’t limit yourself, if you have more than one message to your self write it down.
Step three will be towards the end of the week or the beginning of next week. I think we all need some time to process these. Eventually we will but these steps together for a final process.
I was reading a forecast for the month of November this weekend that really got me thinking.
What I read said that we should be holding ourselves in a neutral position. We should be observing and listening to all sides of the issue or situation and processing the information, not reacting. Pulling yourself outside of the situation and viewing it from a neutral position.
I realized that in a sense I am coming full circle.
What do I mean?
Well…when I started this journey, started really examining my inner self and my outer self I realized that I kept myself detached from my emotions and situations. I equated “detached” as a negative. I realize now (full circle) that detached is only a negative if you are unaware of your detachment or if you are detaching solely to avoid something.
Years later, after examining the different corners of my mind, looking within my energetic field, opening up my chakras and coming to appreciate my emotions, I have finally come to realize the difference.
Only after taking the path that I did, do I understand the difference. I can now go back to removing my self from uncomfortable situations. Not to hide or ignore them mind you, but to grow and be effective in my actions. I have learned that discernment is an inner process. It is not something to argue or openly cause conflict on. It is not about debating your point or being right. It is about being able to remove agenda from a situation and process it. To be able to sit with it free of emotion, to better able yourself to hear your inner voice, and make the right choice.
Being neutral is hard mind you. It seems that we naturally strive to be right. It has a lot to do with, recognition, acceptance, power and approval. In which case all of these are based in our first two chakras, and very ego focused.
I am not saying recognition, acceptance, power, or approval are bad things to want. I am saying that when wanting them ask yourself what the long term reward is. Look at what your striving for, does it lead you to where you want to be? Do you even realize where you are going? If you were to look at it by way of removing yourself from the situation would you see it the same way? Would you still want it, and what is it that you ultimately are looking for?
It all goes back to acting without agenda. Viewing life through our hearts. Speaking through our hearts. And living with positive intentions.
Viewing things through neutrality is the best way to interact with others. It frees you from judgement. Opens one up to acceptance and abundance. Actively removing the ego allows us all to see the bigger picture.
As I mentioned earlier, I have come full circle. This does not mean my journey is over, it means it is only beginning, for like the circle the learning is never ending.
Go out this week and practice neutrality, see how it effects you week.
Have a great week!
I am excited to start some new ventures and projects.
I wish I could say I was a hundred percent sure of myself, but if I am being honest I am not there yet. I believe it will come.
I keep reminding myself that all the signs are pointing towards change. Every where I look it is what I see, what I am focused on.
I also find that I am the biggest advocate for anyone and everyone to follow their heart and go for it, however when it comes down to myself I seem to get stuck in self doubt. I have noticed this getting less and less, but… it is still there.
I have known for quite some time that a end would come…I just have tried and tried to make it some other way. It is inevitable and this scares me. It is like taking off a band aide, I know that the slower I go the more it will hurt, yet fear paralysis me from just taking the leap.
I think it is amazing how much control fear actually has over us. I know in my heart and my soul that what I need to do is for the best, and will be the best for me, however letting go is so hard and is something we are taught not to do at such an early age.
Think about it. It is funny how as children, babies even, we are told “to hold on”. Hold on while we learn to walk. Hold on to my hand, hold on to the bike, the swing, the chair, the list goes on and on and ON. It is no wonder as we grow and become adults, we never want to let go of anything. We have been programed (for our safety) to never let go…to hold on.
How do we break this programming? When did we start to use it to keep ourself stationary? When did holding on become a crutch? Just like anything else in our lives we have these little programmed hurdles placed in our psyche. If you’re a parent, you’re probably reading this thinking, it is for our children’s safety. They need to learn to be safe. If we did not teach them to hold on, they would fall out, or get hurt. I agree, it is a necessary lesson. What we need to do however is follow it up later with letting our kids know that they should never be afraid of trying something new. Of moving forward in a new direction. To trust their heart.
My point here is I (personally) seem to place a lot of my blame of blockages on fear. I really want to show how it has a lot to do with programming as well.
Learning that letting go, doesn’t mean forgetting or leaving everything or one behind. It means growing and expanding. Taking what you have learned and bringing it with you. So often we think we need to shut off or leave behind things to move forward. And we don’t. What we do need is to realize that letting go and moving on is about repositioning ourselves to have room for something else. To bring with us what we have learned from that experience or relationship.
I recently read a great article about learning to let go and understanding what that really means. A lot of the time it means reprogramming how we perceive letting go. It doesn’t mean goodbye.
Holding on to situations and people in our first and second chakras can cause us to hold on for all the wrong reasons. We need to refocus the connection to our hearts. Our fourth chakra. Holding it here redirects the connection we have and are holding on to. Filling the situation/relationship with love and less with fear and or ego.
If you get a chance check out the following link.www.godandlight.com This is where I found the article on letting go that really connected with me.
Enjoy your week. Are you remembering your intentions…are you being conscious of what your setting?
This date feels really important to me.
Like a stepping stone…to something bigger. Awareness.
My equilibrium is a tad off today, started last night actually. I am feeling a little out of balance.
Maybe I am not “unbalanced” but what is happening is my balance is recalibrating.
All summer I felt that October was going to be a big month. I feel like I am going through an attunement of sorts. I have been spending a lot of time in my head. As my clarity changes so does my perspective. I have talked so much about the chakras lately, but they are so important!
I am personally finding it very hard to continue to live in duality. My esoteric body and mental body keep me in constant debates within myself. The more I struggle with this the more I realize that maybe that is the result of balance. Maybe…just maybe when you live 50/50 you remain slightly unattached to either side? Is balance what we should be seeking? If not balance what? Living on a line is hard. Seeing both sides causes one to not always react appropriately. Sometimes when you can see the end at the beginning do you forget to enjoy the middle?
This is where I am right now, in contemplation. The other side of it is when you have lived shut off from the whole of all your emotions (you know, kept them tucked safely away for protection) when they start to surface do you recognize them? How does it feel to actually feel everything and not just what you allow in? How do you find balance of the emotions like you do of the mind? When the dam breaks and the emotions break free do you let them run where they may? If so are you washed away with them or do you create your own stream?
My thoughts on this is when your ready to break down the dam, you need to be ready to trust the path that it settles into. I am working on accepting the strength in the stream over the strength of the dam. They both are strong and mighty. One is just much more truer than the other. And in the end truth will endure any structure placed solely to contain emotion.
My fear is what if breaking the dam breaks me. Just admitting that, typing it, lets my soul know that I am that much closer to creating my true stream. Even though just the thought of releasing that dam tightens my chest and brings to surface such internal fear it also makes my heart smile knowing and feeling the love and joy it also evokes. I am on my way. Word by word. Step by step, we all are.
October is about contemplation, looking within and accepting and planning our new futures.
Enjoy the process.
I have noticed over the last month or so that i seem to have an increased fixation on both the sky and the earth.
Most days I find myself captivated by the clouds…the sun, the moon…or simply the birds flying above me. Then there are the days I feel firmly rooted…connected to the earth below me. I am aware of the trees…the flowers and the animals that are near and around me…with us, on our planet.
To be so connected to spirit and earth is a beautiful feeling. I’ve noticed that I am starting to learn to be more patient…to listen a moment longer before I rush to say what would have been so important for me to say before. I know that personally I have along way to reach the destination that I so carefully planned for myself (when I was still in the the other realm) but I know now that I am on the right path. What I choose to do now is take my time, and enjoy the revelations along the way.
I had the last week off of my day job…and even though I did not blog as much as I had hoped to…I relaxed. I gained insight in letting go. Re-adjusting my focus. I wasn’t 100% successful…but I was more aware then ever before, and that is not only a wonderful start but feeling. I was afraid I had forgotten how.
So in a conclusion of sorts (with this blog) As I sit here on my deck… I am trying to stay focused on my intended topic. However, my attention seems to be drawn to this tightening sensation between my eyes, slightly above my brow. Right smack dab in the center of my third eye.
I am awake to so much more of the wonders around me. Seeing things for more of what they may appear to be. Hearing the music in the song of the birds. Seeing and believing the wonders and magic around me.
I need to go back and share something in regards to the fairies…
After my last blog…I have been surrounded with fairy images. While running my energy in my Thursday night class, fairies carried my spirit and earth energies up through my chakras on a tiny ivy vine. Then, while walking in my yard…I found a mushroom. You may be thinking,..big whoop. Well, it’s vey odd given we are in a drought…record temps of 100+ for the last 7-8 days and the slew of fires that are running amuck in my state (Colorado). So, finding a mushroom in my browning yard was a sign. A sign that the fairies are not done with me yet. Upon more fairy research I decided to create a fairy garden in my yard. MY version of a fairy garden. What has me captivated by this garden is that the door to the little house I put in it…well, sometimes it will be open…and sometimes it is closed. It has been magical to say the least. My logical mind still struggles with the mystery. My spirit is shouting with glee, happy that the fairies have decided to stay. I have a lot to learn from them, and I am looking forward to whatever they bring.
I am pretty sure the fairies are here to remind me to look up to the sky..for it pulls me through my thoughts to the spirit world. Brings me into and out of my sixth chakra…moving up into my seventh and beyond. Helping me to think of things that not only are…but… are possible. Reminding me to look up…see the good…embrace the things to come.
The fairies are also here to remind me to look to The trees, rocks and animals that catch my eye. To ponder the beauty that this world holds. They are here to remind me of what is possible now. The deer that I keep seeing….they have held many messages that are all connected to my first, second, third and fourth chakra…my lower earthly chakras. Profound messages of love and strength. They remind me to walk quietly and follow her…trust her as she is trusting me. They are here to guide me to the fairies…whenever I lose my way.
My quest this week going back to work…is to Live like a fairy. Remembering to stay connected, and to remember to have fun.
Live, laugh, and love.
I think that what the fairies are trying to tell me is that the balance is necessary right now… Mother earth is changing. She is reclaiming what is hers.
Life as we know it.
It easy to get lost. Even in a crowd. Alone but surrounded by people…silence in the midst of chaos… You speak, and nothing comes out. Your voice is drowned out by the chatter of those around you.
In trying to Learn to control my fifth chakra…I think I have allowed myself to drift away a little. To some extent I need to be aware of my voice, my message…but that is really it. I think that dwelling on it, lessens my ability to affectively communicate, which in turn only leads to personal frustration. I think the best message I have received in regards to communication lately is to always run my communication through my heart chakra… By intending love in my message I need not worry how it is received. By sending my message through my heart with love as the only motivator for being heard…or the best intention…..then my message is in the hands or ears of the receiver. It is now theirs to disseminate the information ….use it or ignore it.
Reminding me that I only can control the delivery of the message not the reaction or the actions that the information may illicit. Accepting that is very difficult for a control freak like myself. I can’t help feeling like I have failed if my message does not change someone’s mind, or if they don’t agree with me… Failed how you may be wondering…but what I mean is that I must not have done a very good job explaining myself… But the reality is…I could give the best explanation. Or sales job or information speech that there ever was…but…if the recipient is not ready to hear it, or willing to be open to the idea…it will fall on deaf ears. Sigh…this can be very frustrating. I on the other side of this discussion….like to be challenged…if you can convince me…lay some thing out and teach me something I did not know or fully understand…I will change my mind.
Something that I am going to try is imagining a rose quartz crystal in my fifth chakra…and intending all my words to travel through the crystal…infusing it with love and positivity…
In the more challenging times…someone suggested holding a bouquet of roses between me and the person I am speaking with…holding them with love… The trick is intending the message to come from my heart…not jealousy, anger, manipulation, or competition…if this is not possible… Rethink the importance of your message at that time.
So…back to being lost in a crowd…
Sometimes I shut myself off….and when I do this I find it difficult to engage…my boundaries get so tight….so much that I end up shutting myself off from everyone. Which can make me feel alone in a crowd…and slightly depressed. I have been talking with lots of people about ascension…and have been reading a lot about how we are all dealing with this. Bottom line is it is a crazy time right now… Everything is moving so fast, and the more open and sensitive you are to the shift…the more it seems to be effecting you. Especially physically…dizziness, stomach issues, headaches, disorientation, confusion and frustration… These are things I have personally noticed.
For me, my goal for the rest of the month…. Work on embracing my fifth chakra…no longer forcing it…or constricting it…to cause a back up…which ultimately leads to frustration…
I am also going to work on my boundaries…play around with different colors and intentions. So as to not isolate myself but still protect myself from everyone’s energies…this is the hardest task for me…as I am overly empathic, and seem to absorb the energy around me… I need to stop taking on what isn’t mine…and trying to fix what’s not mine to fix.
Blogging has been such a release for me… I think that blogging in connection with my fifth chakra exercise will really help me move forward through this next month…
Well… I think I have rambled enough for one night…. Thanks for listening.